Writing concise sentences

TL;DR:

• Wordy sentences hide the point in padding. Cut padding first.

• Replace noun phrases and weak verbs with a strong verb.

• One idea per sentence. If it needs two, make two sentences.

Here is a sentence that could appear in any student essay: "Due to the fact that the school board made a decision to postpone the vote on the new schedule, there were a large number of students who were left feeling very confused about what was going to happen next term." It is 40 words long, and it says one thing. A reader has to hold all of it in mind to find the point.

What concise does and does not mean

Concise writing is not short writing. It is writing where every word does work. A long sentence can be concise if each word carries meaning, and a short one can be padded. The goal is to remove words that add nothing, so that the ideas stand out.

Worked example: cutting a 40-word sentence to 20

Take the sentence above and edit it in four passes. Count the words after each pass so you can see the progress.

1. Cut empty phrases. "Due to the fact that" means "because" (5 words to 1). "A large number of" means "many" (4 words to 1). Now: Because the school board made a decision to postpone the vote on the new schedule, there were many students who were left feeling very confused about what was going to happen next term. That is 33 words.

2. Turn noun phrases into verbs. "Made a decision to postpone" is just "postponed". Now: Because the school board postponed the vote on the new schedule, there were many students who were left feeling very confused about what was going to happen next term. That is 29 words.

3. Make the real subject the subject. "There were many students who were left" starts slowly. Say "many students were confused". Drop "very" and "feeling". Now: Because the school board postponed the vote on the new schedule, many students were confused about what was going to happen next term. That is 23 words.

4. Shorten the tail. "What was going to happen" becomes "what comes". Now: Because the school board postponed the vote on the new schedule, many students were confused about what comes next term. That is 20 words.

Check that nothing important was lost: the cause (the postponed vote), the effect (confusion), who felt it (many students) and the period (next term) are all still there. We removed 20 words and no information.

Three habits that do most of the work

Remove filler

Watch for phrases that take space without adding meaning: "in order to" (to), "at this point in time" (now), "the fact that" (often just cut), "it is important to note that" (cut it and state the point), "really", "very", "basically". Not every "very" must go, but most can.

Use strong verbs

A weak verb plus a noun often hides a better single verb. "Give consideration to" is "consider". "Make an improvement" is "improve". "Is in agreement with" is "agrees with". The sentence gets shorter and more direct at the same time.

One idea per sentence

If a sentence needs "and also" or a long chain of clauses, split it. Short sentences are easier to follow, and a mix of short and medium ones gives writing a natural rhythm. Break at the point where the idea changes.

A second sentence to practise on

Try this one yourself before reading the answer: "In my opinion, I think that the main character in the story is a person who is very brave because of the fact that he always stands up for his friends." It has 31 words.

Cut "In my opinion, I think that" (you are the one writing, so the opinion is clear). Change "is a person who is very brave" to "is brave". Change "because of the fact that" to "because". The result: "The main character is brave because he always stands up for his friends." That is 13 words and says what the original did, with "in the story" dropped because the reader already knows the setting.

The pattern repeats: start by asking what the sentence is really claiming, write that claim in plain words, and then add back only what the reader needs.

When wordiness is fine

Do not cut so hard that the writing turns telegraphic. Sometimes a longer phrase gives the sentence a rhythm or a needed softness. A scientific hedge like "the data suggest" is shorter than a full explanation of uncertainty but is not filler. Use judgement: cut a word only when the sentence means the same without it.

Tip: Read your sentence aloud. If you run out of breath before it ends, it is too long. If you hear a stumble, look for a clumsy noun phrase.

Mistakes to avoid

• Cutting a word that carried real meaning, such as a qualifier like "many" versus "all".

• Replacing a clear plain word with a fancy short one. "Utilise" is not better than "use".

• Forgetting to read the sentence again after cuts. Cutting can leave a grammar slip behind.

Your plan for this week

Pick the three longest sentences in your latest draft. Count the words, then edit each in the four steps above and count again. If you want to practise, ask DuckyHelper to read a sentence aloud and listen for where you would tighten it, then decide the edit yourself.

Frequently asked questions

Is passive voice always wordy?

Not always. It often adds words, but it is the right choice in some places. See the article on active and passive voice.

Can I overdo concision?

Yes. If your sentences become fragments or lose their connections, add back the link words that the reader needs.